I often tell my teenage daughters, no one ever would choose to go back to being between 12 to 15 years old. No good choices were made there, whether they be fashion or social. Those are the years I’d rather not relive.
Clearly, I am exaggerating, but there is a truth to the learning curve we give ourselves in those years, and I’m wondering if I give myself the same grace now. After all, at 47 years old, I have, God willing, more days and more opportunities to grow in virtue.
I’m pondering the seasons of parenting in a similar fashion. When we are new parents, it is the sleep deprivation that we all cannot wait to steer away from. First-time parents find the unknown difficult and can’t wait for the next stage. They might say that it will get better when the children can do this or that on their own. I am learning that “on their own” is the hardest time to accept.
If I could choose a parenting stage to stay in, it would not be the “on their own” stage. Veteran parents might know this as the time when our kids leave home and must make the choice to own their faith.
I’ve always emphasized this step as my kids have made their confirmation. This is the time when you invest and step forward in faith. Don’t do it unless you really mean it. The choice is yours.
The surrender required in that statement is truly unfathomable because, from an early age, we invest so much into the faith life of our children. From sacraments to feast days, Mass, Scripture, PSR, youth groups, etc., we strive to foster a Catholic identity for our children. I’m understanding now that what we were doing was planting seeds.
When I look back to where I was at age 19, I can easily see that my faith expectations for my children were not quite fair. I remember my youthful relationship with Christ being one of my turning to Him when things were going wrong or when I made a mistake. I would promise to do better, but there was no gratitude for His presence in my life. I had not let Him into my life in that intimate way.
As I share this with my older kids, I can also incorporate the abundant and generous fatherly love God has for us. You see, I tell them, even though I was where I was, God loved me so much that He moved first. He moved so abundantly that in the middle of my lukewarm faith, He poured out His most generous blessing in my life, your father.
It was from that gift that both your father and I grew our faith and our love. There is a peace for this momma’s heart that God is moving in the lives of my children. His plan is bigger. His waiting has purpose. His timing is perfect.
This time of letting go and letting God take the reins in my children’s lives is challenging. As a mother, I have nurtured so many plans as to what their lives might look like when they were “on their own.” And it looks nothing like what I imagined! And yet their uniqueness is beautiful. Their goodness is evident.
As they search for truth in their own way, they are being shepherded by all those friends in heaven from whom I have begged and pleaded prayers over the years. And yet, I find myself continually trying to set the table for the Lord to work in their lives! This letting go is hard work. I recognize the growth happening for me, too.
I am always looking for anchors in faith life, witnesses who have lived a life testifying to trusting in the Lord. Mother Mary of course is my go-to. In her we see someone who surrendered not only herself, but her Son, and all the sons and daughters whom she no doubt spiritually mothered over the years. We are in good company if we work, watch and wait for the Lord.