At Confirmation, we receive the Holy Spirit and are strengthened to follow Christ and to spread and defend the faith in word and deed. For most of us (even adult converts), we have a lot of zeal but only basic knowledge of our faith. We have learned about the saints and want to be like them.
Thus was the case of St. Ignatius of Loyola. He was known to be a competitive person. He recounts in his autobiography that he not only wanted to follow the examples of the saints, he wanted to outdo them. (The Autobiography of St. Ignatius)
Ignatius made a pilgrimage to Montserrat after he had been severely wounded by a cannonball during a war. Ignatius suffered the hardship of injury and the long trip. During that time in Montserrat, his focus was on his sins, and he saw himself as so worthless that he was even tempted to commit suicide.
Then, one day, everything changed:
Near the road is a stream, on the bank of which he sat, and he gazed at the deep waters flowing by. While seated there, the eyes of his soul were opened. He did not have any special vision, but his mind was enlightened on many subjects, spiritual and intellectual. So clear was this knowledge that from that day everything appeared to him in a new light. Such was the abundance of this light in his mind that all the divine helps received, and all the knowledge acquired up to his sixty-second year, were not equal to it. From that day he seemed to be quite another man, and possessed of a new intellect.
(The Autobiography of St. Ignatius)
It was a pivotal point in Ignatius’ spiritual journey, and it’s a distinction that sets his spirituality apart to this day: We are sinners, but we are loved sinners.
Ignatius had made the decision to follow Christ. The result? A life of gratitude. Eyes that saw God in all things. A life surrendered in trust to a God who has good in store for us even when those cannonball moments hit.
After I became a Catholic, I also had a pivotal point in my spiritual journey on an Easter morning at Mass in Sunbury. (When I’m at the family farm, I usually attend Mass in Sunbury.) I actually was sitting next to the mother of Father David Sizemore, who was then pastor at St. John Neumann Church.
Father Sizemore talked about sin. My Methodist upbringing said that all sinners are evil; therefore, I took exception to being called a sinner. Father Sizemore said, “We all are sinners! It is only when we choose to continue our sinning ways knowing that we are sinning that we become evil.”
Talk about a conversion moment! What insight and what relief knowing sinning does not make me evil, it makes me human. Seeking forgiveness and knowing God’s love and forgiveness is waiting for me filled my heart with more understanding on my faith journey. From that day, I also seemed to be quite another woman, and possessed of a new intellect.
My quest has become one of surrender. I found a novena that is amazing (Novena of Surrender to the Will of God. (catholicdoors.com). Taking time to reflect on God’s plan is helping me be more open and aware of what God is asking of me. I am aware of a new joy in my life.
I realize joy is not something we can create by ourselves. It’s not something we earn. Things don’t give us real joy, only God’s love can give us lasting joy.
Amanda Zurface (an amazing woman, former diocesan Catholic Campaign for Human Development intern, Canon lawyer and spiritual director) said,
“Joy is a gift; it is a fruit of the Holy Spirit that comes from surrendering ourselves to God and his will for our lives. Joy is given when we say yes to the Father and no to everything else that gets in the way of having a relationship with him. Joy comes when we live for him — and, therefore, place all our trust in him … Joy comes from having a true relationship with Him. It’s like God rubs off on us and the effect is joy.”
Most of you know me as a happy, fun-loving person. My current faith path is leading me toward the true joy of God’s love. I pray you find the same path.