I miss the days when my kids asked easy questions; their young, sweet faces inquiring why must they eat their veggies or go to bed. Those are the answers I can easily supply.
When a more existential question arose, I marveled at their inquisitiveness. As they got older, we tried to answer their questions at age-appropriate levels. Now walking alongside my young adults, I find I don’t have all the answers they seek, so I turn to Jesus for His guidance.
Jesus is asked hundreds of questions in scripture. He answers very few directly, preferring to teach more with questions of his own.
In Matthew, chapter 6, we hear him ask, “Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” In Chapter 8, he asks, ‘Why are you so afraid? Why did you doubt?
These questions He poses parallel the ones I’m lobbing back and forth with my older children lately as they navigate their human desire to have answers to the emotions that come with personal suffering and the recognition that the world we live in is broken; that we too are broken and feeble.
Why does Jesus answer us in questions? I think it is so that we begin to own our own understanding. A gentle probing question encourages ownership of our thoughts.
The questions I am asked as a parent are deeper these days and deep in their desire to know the answers. Why does love hurt so much, Mom? Why must we be vulnerable? Why is trust necessary?
It is often hard not to give an answer. I have so many answers to these and more questions because I have walked many years and weathered many relationships where these answers have been honed in fire. But the truth is the answers are unique to me, because the Lord knows my heart. He knows that being vulnerable stretches me, opens doors I’d rather keep shut, takes away the risk of being hurt.
But then he asks (in Matthew chapter 8) “What are you afraid of?” So I pose the same question to my children, and the discussion continues. I have found that these discussions, whether they be about relationships or providing for themselves and those they love, or politics and social justice, though sometimes challenging and tenuous, help my children to grow in their understanding of who they are and who they want to be.
As I pondered this, I am drawn to the support our church offers and how uniquely it is set up to guide us in a similar fashion. I think of the sacraments of initiation and how they allow us to ask our why questions along our faith journey. In Baptism, we are given godparents who state in faith that they will help answer our why questions from an early age. The Church recognizes that at that stage we are not able to answer, but we are seekers of answers. Who is God? Where is He?
Then we move to reconciliation and the Church sees that we can be held more accountable for our actions and we grow our understanding of mercy and compassion. How many times have I asked (even as an adult) how can you love me? How am I loveable? How can you forgive me?
First Communion comes and we are brought into the fullness of the Church with the gift of the Eucharist. We are told the what (transubstantiation – the bread becomes flesh and the wine becomes blood) and we are told the who (Jesus), but we are left to grow our understanding of the how and why. Perhaps some of us still wrestle with this, and I think that is good. Wrestling shows that we are thinking and stretching ourselves.
Confirmation is perhaps one of my favorite sacraments in regard to questioning. I think of the apostles in the gospel of John where Jesus is teaching them that He is the Bread of Life and they are shocked and begin to murmur among themselves. Some even walk away saying, “This saying is too hard, who can accept it?”
Can we not see ourselves here in so many ways? Do we not see our children wrestling with the very same questions whether it be Eucharistic in nature or a battle against moral relativism and its pervasive influence in their lives?
Scripture gives us such rich examples like Zachariah, who when told that he and his wife Elizabeth would have a son, responded, “How can I understand this?” (Luke chapter 1:18)
At the same time, Mary at her Annunciation in Luke chapter 1:34 when told she is to bear the Christ child, takes herself out of the question and seeks a deeper understanding. She asks, “How can this be?” Mary shows us that this is the goal.
Can we not see how we have grown and how we can help our children grow just by asking these questions? Lord, I do not have all the answers for my children and certainly not for myself. Stay with me, Lord, that I may guide my children as you guide me along this journey of faith.