Names in this story have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals.
When Joan’s daughter confided in her mother that she was experiencing gender dysphoria, which is defined as clinically significant distress or impairment related to gender incongruence, including a desire to change sex characteristics, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Joan felt alone.
After much time spent in prayer and Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, she took a leap of faith and formed Connected Through Christ, a confidential support group for parents around the country who have children experiencing gender dysphoria and same-sex attraction.
“My strong Catholic faith told me that I was different, and I needed to guide her to the truth of who God created her to be,” she said. “I know that our kids are facing a mental health crisis right now, so to me, guiding them towards the truth seemed like the only logical way to go when it affected my family, but I really had to dig deep to find people who were like-minded on this issue.”
Connected Through Christ first met in October 2022. The group consists of nine parents from seven families who have children experiencing gender dysphoria or same-sex attraction. They meet once a month and lean on their faith in Christ and each other for support.
Joan recalled the early days after her daughter revealed that she was experiencing gender dysphoria. Joan searched for resources, she said, but what she discovered contradicted her Catholic faith.
“My teenage daughter confided in me that she was struggling with her gender identity, and there were some visible changes with her appearance and with her mood and some of her behaviors,” Joan said. “So, at that point, I started to dive into some resources to process what she was feeling and why and how I could help her in a loving and supportive way.
“Unfortunately, most of the resources that I found that were readily available for parents who were looking for answers took me down a path to socially and medically transition her.”
To socially transition, Joan said, would mean calling her child by an alternative name, using her daughter’s preferred pronouns and encouraging alternate-dress and hairstyle that do not align with her daughter’s sex at birth.
To medically transition would entail taking her daughter to a gender clinic and allowing her to start puberty blockers, receive cross-sex hormones or a sex-change operation, she said.
“With the way most of our secular culture approaches gender dysphoria, a parent who views it differently can feel very isolated and alone, which is exactly how I felt in the beginning when I started to research, ‘OK, so my child told me this, what do I do?’
“It took me down a path of medical transition and changing her name, and it never sat very well with me, and I felt utterly and completely alone.”
Joan formed Connected Through Christ after meeting with Mary Ann Jepsen, a Catholic licensed professional clinical counselor and the founder of Covenant Integrative Counseling Services, located in central Ohio. Jepsen has served as the group’s adviser and liaison.
Jepsen also recommended that parents of children experiencing gender dysphoria or same-sex attraction read The Genesis of Gender by Dr. Abigail Favale, published by Ignatius Press.
The book offers a historical, philosophical and theological perspective on gender issues facing modern society. It provides a Christian understanding of the dignity of the body, the sacramental meaning of sexual difference and the interconnectedness of all creation, written from the perspective of a former feminist and Catholic convert.
“As a Catholic therapist, I always approach the concerns of my clients from a spiritual, psychological, biological, social perspective,” she said. “I often see conflicts between these different parts within an individual. We all have them at times. This is part of the human condition.
“My job is to help my clients assimilate these parts from a Christian anthropological position. Gender incongruence and dysphoria, as well as same-sex attraction, can be very real and deeply distressing situations for both the individual experiencing them and their family members.
“Groups like Connected Through Christ, Courage (apostolate) and EnCourage (ministry) have the advantage of providing a safe and confidential space where people sharing the same, or similar, life challenges can meet to support each other, pray together, share resources and develop lasting bonds of friendship. They can be very healing for everyone involved, and I highly recommend them.”
Courage is a Roman Catholic apostolate for men and women who experience same-sex attraction. EnCourage is a ministry within Courage that is dedicated to the spiritual needs of parents, siblings, children, relatives and friends of individuals who experience same-sex attraction.
Holding true to her Catholic faith, Joan formed Connected Through Christ to support parents who felt isolated and were suffering in silence.
“I said, ‘Look, I’m going to form an in-person support group because we don’t walk this journey alone,’ and I had so many people say, ‘Yes,’ to my invitation. That’s how this started. Together, we’re healing while we’re trusting in the Lord and leaning into our faith and leaning into each other.”
Joan selected the Bible verse John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth and the life,” to represent the group because “there really does not seem to be any other way, especially with this issue.” She knew she needed to speak truth to her child of who God created her to be, rather than seek a medical transition, she said, and she felt a need for prayer and to trust in God’s plan through trials.
“The truth is that someone’s DNA will never change, even with a medical transition. You are who you are at birth and who God created you, and you will always be that. Biology tells you there are two genders: there’s male and female.”
Joan said when someone experiences gender dysphoria or same-sex attraction, it can breed division among people, especially within families.
“The biggest way it affects families is just division,” she said. “There can be division among parents who may not agree on how to handle this issue with their kids, division between siblings. You can have just a complete fear of losing your family unit. You feel attacked, and it can be really, really scary.”
Members of the group have children of various ages – some are in high school; others are adults who medically transitioned their bodies. Joan said parents in Connected Through Christ share knowledge, expertise and coping mechanisms with one another. They also share resources, such as a “trusted counselor,” she said, or a medical professional.
“It’s just a way for people to talk about where their kids are at with everything and how the family’s coping,” Joan said. “There’s usually tears; there’s always laughter. It’s just incredible to think how we started as strangers, and now the friendship is so strong over something that is such a tough topic.”
Parents in the group are rooted in faith and speak truth to their children “in terms of who God created them to be,” Joan said. The parents rely on their faith in Christ to navigate their children’s experience with gender dysphoria or same-sex attraction.
There is an option for anonymous, virtual participation if a parent feels uncomfortable meeting in-person. However, Joan said, she holds an initial phone conversation with each parent prior to joining the group, and confidentiality waivers are signed.
April and her husband, Andy, are part of the Connected Through Christ support group. Their daughter has experienced gender dysphoria for seven years.
“We totally understand and support each other,” April said of the parents in the group. “We cry together, we pray together, we share Bible verses for inspiration, things to hold onto. We hug. I don’t know how to say it except that you just don’t get it until you’re in it. These are people that are absolutely in it with you.
“Everybody loves the Lord so much and just really clings to their faith in Him to get through it. I don’t know that my husband and I would get as much out of a group that was not faith based because the only way we’ve gotten through this is sort of with each other and Jesus – the Lord – and so that is such an integral part of our story, and all these people, I think they would say the same.
“To anybody who’s experienced this, you don’t have to do it alone. It is much easier to carry this burden with other people going through it.”
Andy said he experienced guilt because of his daughter’s experience. Guilt is “one of the devil’s favorite tools,” he said.
“Part of the misery was us beating ourselves up because, ‘How did this happen to my child? Why did I not do a better job? My job is supposed to be the protector the household, and I failed.’”
“It happens in every kind of family you could imagine,” April said. “The people in our group, I think that they were really wonderful parents and are wonderful parents. They weren’t neglectful. They were loving, they were supportive. I would trust my kid in any of those families.”
Erin, who is a practicing Christian but not Catholic, is a member of Connected Through Christ. Her daughter, who is in high school, experiences gender dysphoria. Erin relies on her faith in Jesus to handle the experience, which is something she shares with other parents in the group.
“We’re all Christian, and … I think at the end of the day, we all know that God is very much in control, and what really matters is our personal relationship with Jesus,” she said. “And so, we typically end on a peaceful note because we have each other, we have that support, and we know that God works for the good of all who love Him. (Romans 8:28)
“So, we do share Bible verses that are encouraging like that, but I think mostly we’ve just been sharing our stories and different things come up in in the world, different things come up in the news and in the government and in schools, and we share tidbits that we have learned to help keep each other informed.”
Erin takes a watchful, waiting approach to her daughter’s experience with gender dysphoria. This includes carefully observing how gender dysphoria develops over time, rather than seeking a medical transition. Erin communicates with her daughter and shares information with her, while listening to her daughter’s perspective.
“My stance was, OK, all I’m going to do is work on my relationship with her, and so, since that day to now, that is all I’ve done,” she said. “So, when she throws a curveball at me like, ‘I’m no longer doing this, I’m no longer doing this, I’m going to do this,’ there’s a lot more curiosity and compassion and support, even though I don’t agree with it.”
The watchful waiting approach has also been used by a member of Connected Through Christ who refers to herself as “A Hopeful Parent.” Several years ago, her child, who is now an adult, threatened to commit suicide if “forced to live out their biological sex,” she said.
In a letter to The Catholic Times, she recalled being in “desperation” because of the lack of support she had during that time.
“(My husband and I) were convinced in our hearts that ‘watchful waiting’ was the best decision, and until I got to Mary Ann (Jepsen), I found no support for this,” she said. “I asked her repeatedly whether there was a support group she knew of or any other parents I could talk to – back then there were none.
“I continued to see Mary Ann as my counselor and source of support as I navigated my child’s repeated mantra (that they would commit suicide if they had to remain in their biological sex), but what I really longed for were other parents, other common sense, Catholic or Christian parents that were trying to listen intently to the facts, the research and the Church to help us navigate through this nightmare without losing our child to suicide or the cult of dysphoria.”
A Hopeful Parent said she believes the Church needs groups for parents, such as Connected Through Christ, especially now.
“I pray this group … is a place of refuge, prayer, strength, union and shared tools to fight the war on our children that is happening every day. We need each other.”
For more information on Connected Through Christ, contact Joan at MamasLove4@yahoo.com.