Often overlooked in Natural Family Planning (NFP) is the equal roles that husbands and wives play in the process.
There’s a tendency to focus on the mother as the spouse who controls her fertility and gives birth if she happens to be blessed by God with a child.
Dr. Marlon De La Torre, the diocese’s new senior director for the department of evangelization, plans to emphasize in a talk later this month the importance of NFP in healthy marriages and family life.
“There are two fronts with Natural Family Planning,” he said. “One is those who support it and understand its value and then those who don’t – from the perspective that they see it as just another contraceptive method, those who outright reject it, or reject Humanae Vitae or anything of a semblance of a theology of the body or moral theology on the body.”
NFP is often misunderstood as an alternative to artificial contraceptive methods, which are not approved by the Catholic Church. Pope St. Paul VI articulated the Church’s position on the regulation of birth in his 1968 encyclical Humanae Vitae that artificial birth control is considered illicit.
Pope St. John Paul II further expanded on the teachings of Humanae Vitae in his Theology of the Body on the nature of human sexuality as a gift from God and in his 1993 encyclical Veritatis Splendor that articulated the Church’s moral theology and reaffirmed Paul VI’s teaching on contraception.
“I try to really look at the anthropology of the relation between man and woman,” De La Torre said. “The dignity and sanctity of how our relationship evolves and develops between men and women, and then how Natural Family Planning is basically an intimate part of that process of developing a man and woman’s understanding of who they are, their relationship and their human sexuality.”
In a 2016 Pew Research Center report, 89 percent of U.S. Catholics said in a survey that they believe contraception is morally acceptable or not a moral issue. Only 8 percent of respondents considered contraception to be morally wrong.
De La Torre called for a renewed awareness of why NPF exists and a deeper understanding of Paul VI’s thoughts on the genuine intimacy between husband and wife that he conveyed in Humanae Vitae.
“There’s a loss of a sense of mutual respect but also an affinity between a husband and a wife, and Natural Family Planning provides an opportunity to not only grow fond of your husband or your wife but also have mutual interest, admiration for one another,” he said.
De La Torre explained that NFP, of which a number of methods can be used based on a woman’s cycle to achieve or delay pregnancy, should not be viewed strictly as a preventive measure for conception. If that’s the case, he said, couples probably need more formation toward their understanding of NPF.
“At the same time, those who argue that you should not do NFP, that you should be open to life, well, you are open to life,” he said. “There’s nothing happening there that’s preventing a person from possibly having a child.”
The bond that NFP creates with a couple can help them through periods of suffering when they have difficulty conceiving or when they might be struggling to meet the needs of their other children.
“What we’re trying to do is bring Christ into the relationship, respect our spouses, especially husbands to wives, or there may be a legitimate reason where you have to practice NFP that’s emotional, psychological and mental,” De La Torre said.
“And from a biological standpoint, things happen, and somebody can be going through a hard time and may not be in the proper disposition at that point to bring a child into the world – not because you’re not open to life, but do I have the wherewithal to protect this child.”
De La Torre stressed that the benefits of practicing NFP go well beyond conceiving children.
“When a couple investigates each other more, you get to know each other, and that’s crucial for any relationship,” he said. “So, when you participate in NFP, you have that natural communication when you want children, and you see children as a gift.”
And when a pregnancy is achieved, NFP gives husbands and wives a better understanding through their communication of the physical and emotional changes that will take place.
“One of the greatest things I’ve shared with husbands is, as you go through NFP, remember that you’re preparing to embrace the introduction of another soul that’s both a reflection of your spouse and you, and that’s key,” De La Torre said.
“What happens when you see your child being born, it’s a full complement of that anthropology of you and your wife coexisting, being coequal, practicing the openness of life utilizing NFP.
“And as part of that process, look at the beauty of God’s gift. That’s crucial.”
De La Torre warned couples not to get caught up in the science and technical aspects of practicing NFP, especially those who might be having trouble conceiving a child.
“We can’t lose sight of the origin of why NFP came to be irregardless of the methodologies employed by a couple,” he said. “It’s first of all to understand that this beautiful bride is ultimately a child of God. If I understand that, then my affection for her will grow.
“And then I understand why this is important for us as a family to utilize Natural Family Planning.”
From a relationship standpoint, De La Torre has seen, through his experiences working with couples, that those who practice NFP and understand the mental, emotional and psychological aspects from the base of the Christian mindset basically dispel the need for counseling in their marriage.
“Because they’ve gotten to know each other more intimately through the struggle and the journey of bearing a child that creates a bond that can’t be broken,” he said. “Personally, I look at my wife with awe that she gave me four children. But she didn’t give me property. This was a result of our constant communication and mutual love.”
When speaking with NFP practitioners, De La Torre wants them to emphasize to couples not just the science but also the vital communication and unitive love in their marital partnership.
“I’ve done marriage prep for a long time, and the No. 1 thing I cautioned them about was there is no such thing as overcommunication,” he said, “especially when it comes to your human sexuality.
“You’ve got to understand where you both are coming from, and that ties into the love of one another. But, also, is there a complementarity of mind when it comes to your sexual intimacy?”
De La Torre likes to remind couples to remember that God is the One Who creates life.
“Even when somebody chooses contraception, there’s still a possibility” of pregnancy “because God made the body,” he said. “Ultimately, God and His creation find a way.”