Dear Father: My niece is getting married next month. She was baptized, confirmed and went to Catholic schools all her life, but her fiance is not Catholic, and their wedding will be at a park. My brother says that it’s OK because the groom is not Catholic, but I thought that all Catholics have to get married in the church. Who’s right? Can I still go to my niece’s wedding? – P.M.
Dear P.M.: Congratulations to your niece as she prepares for her wedding. You did not mention whether the groom is baptized, though you did say that he is not Catholic. If he is baptized, then they will have a sacramental bond. If he is not baptized, the matrimonial bond will be natural, not sacramental.
The difference is that Christ has raised the natural bond of marriage, created by God in the Garden of Eden, to a sacrament with special graces for a man and a woman, both of whom are baptized.
The Catholic Church’s rules (Canon Law) stipulate that “a marriage between Catholics or between a Catholic and a non-Catholic baptized party is to be celebrated in a parish church.” However, such marriages may be celebrated in another suitable place with special permission from the office of the bishop.
Even if the marriage is between a Catholic and a non-baptized person, i.e., a non-Christian, it still should be celebrated in a church but may be celebrated in another suitable place. However, only in this latter case is the permission of the office of the bishop not necessary.
As I said, the very first marriage took place in the Garden of Eden. But we should not mistake the Garden of Eden for a typical park. It was the first place of divine worship and therefore was very much a temple where Adam and Eve lived in communion with God. So, we see that even the first “natural” marriage took place in a “suitable place,” to use the words of Canon 1118.
The New Commentary on the Code of Canon Law explains that “a suitable place for the celebration should enhance rather than distract from the religious dimension of the marriage.” Remember that marriages between Catholics and non-baptized persons, though not sacramental, nevertheless “are significant religious events,” the Commentary notes.
While your brother thinks that it is automatically OK for marriages between a Catholic and a non-Catholic to take place in a park (or anywhere else, such as a beach, a restaurant or Pikes Peak), he is incorrect. So much depends on whether the non-Catholic party is baptized, say in a Protestant communion, or not baptized at all.
Of course, we take all marriages to be important, but we are especially concerned for members of our Catholic family. As with any family, we do things in a certain way because we believe that Jesus Christ instituted the sacrament of Christian marriage. It is because Christ is God that we don’t believe that we can do religious things in just any old fashion.
Christ is present at Christian marriages. Yes, He chose to walk the earth, including the Garden of Gethsemane, and He has sanctified the union of man and woman whereby that union now is a form of divine worship.
Christian worship most aptly takes place in hallowed places such as churches. This is why we take care to celebrate the sacrifice of the Mass, and other sacraments, with reverence and solemnity. It’s about God, not just our desires.
One other important point: Our Catholic family has a particular form, or way of celebrating, a marriage rite. This especially refers to the bride and groom exchanging vows that the Church (the Bride of Christ) has written in the presence of the parish pastor or another priest he has delegated.
If circumstances are such that the normal form of matrimony poses a grave difficulty for a Catholic marrying a baptized non-Catholic, permission for variance is needed from the office of the bishop. This includes the venue.
So, I can’t really give a simple answer to “who is right,” you or your brother. If you wonder why these “rules” are in place, consider all the complications that have arisen over the centuries of people marrying since the time of Christ. Even today, the world presents new problems surrounding marriage, such as the so-called union of people of the same sex.
The rules for the sacraments, like the rules of the Super Bowl, are to safeguard us and the integrity of the event. In this case, we want to protect the holiness of the sacrament, the union of the spouses and the procreation of children.
Can you still go to your niece’s wedding? Well … that depends, as you now can see. One thing is certain: Tell your niece what you have learned about the need for a church venue or special permission. You owe that much to her in all charity. Think of it as a wedding gift.