“And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.” – Matthew 18:5
Stephanie Baird remembers when she first felt called to become a foster mother. A nurse, she had assisted in the delivery of yet another child born exposed to heroin and experiencing symptoms of withdrawal.
She knew from experience that this child would likely go into foster care while the mother was sent to rehab to get her life on track so she could raise her baby. But addictions are hard to break, and many mothers in this situation lack strong support systems. As a result, many mothers can’t break the cycle of addiction so they can get their children back.
When a baby is born exposed to drugs, a social worker is called to determine if Children Services needs to become involved. If so, the child is placed with a foster family and may eventually become available for adoption. Although Stephanie and her husband, Joseph, parishioners at Columbus Immaculate Conception Church in the Clintonville neighborhood, both had jobs and three children at home, Stephanie thought, “Who is going to help this little one? We have room in our home for another child.”
Currently, the United States faces an extreme shortage of foster families, according to statistics cited on the Focus on the Family website. Across the country, more than 400,000 children are in foster care. Each year, more than 250,000 children enter the U.S. child welfare system, and more than 23,000 children age out of foster care when they turn 18. Statistics provided by the organization Promise686 reveal bleak futures for many children in foster care:
• 70% of human trafficking victims in the U.S. spent time in foster care.
• In several states, 65% of imprisoned inmates had aged out of foster care.
• 2 million 18- to 24-year-olds, many of whom spent time in foster care, are homeless in the U.S.
• 71% of young women become pregnant within one year of aging out of foster care.
In the 23 counties of the Diocese of Columbus, 7,097 children are in foster care and 655 children await adoption, according to the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services. In Knox County alone, 113 children are in care, and there are only 20 foster families.
According to the National Council for Adoption, more than half of those who become foster families stop fostering after one year. Fostering is difficult because many children needing care have experienced trauma, neglect and abuse. Regardless of the profound difficulties such children might have endured in their family homes, these youngsters are often further traumatized by being removed from their birth families, leaving behind all that is familiar, including friends and sometimes siblings if they are unable to be placed together.
When Stephanie told her husband, Joe, that she wanted their family to start fostering children, he was against the idea. Joe said he felt busy enough and did not think they could take on more children.
Although he was always open to helping in the community and going to church on Sundays, he thought he was doing enough. “No way was I giving up my extra social, family and weekend time to take on more responsibility,” he said.
After multiple conversations with Stephanie, however, he “begrudgingly” agreed to attend one training class to see what fostering was about. In that class, the instructor showed a short documentary about foster care. In one scene, a man said, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:39)
“At that moment, hearing those words,” Joe said, “I knew I was being called to do more.”
Reimagining foster care
Stephanie and Joseph started taking classes at the Bair Foundation to become certified foster parents, which included completing a home study, submitting references, background checks, a fire inspection, home safety check, and 24 hours of pre-placement training. Not knowing anything about caring for a child who had experienced trauma, they were relieved to receive comprehensive training through their foster care agency.
Soon after completing their certification, they welcomed a 7-month-old baby boy, Deon, into their home. After some time, the agency found a kinship placement for Deon when a family member adopted him. Deon, who had stayed with the Bairds for a year, had become part of the family, and the Bairds welcomed his new parents into their family as well.
Deon’s adoptive mother, Kathy, said, “Who would have ever known in the beginning that God loved Deon so much that His love could cause two families from different cultural backgrounds to unite and become one big family in Christ to help raise this precious gift He has bestowed among us? Deon has been a blessing to both of our families.”
Deon was recently baptized, along with the Bairds’ newly adopted daughter, Gianna, and Deon’s parents asked Stephanie and Joseph to be his godparents. “Deon would not be the happy little boy he is today without the love and care that Stephanie, Joe and their children have given to him while he was most in need,” Kathy said. “They have become our family, too.”
The Baird family’s experience is not unique. Fostering is considered a mission to love not only vulnerable children but also their hurting families. There can be situations where children go back to their parents and then return to care. When a foster family can connect and even partner with a child’s birth family, they can better support and care for the child and his or her family through life’s ups and downs.
During the past four years, the Bairds have fostered several more children and were overjoyed to adopt their 2-year-old daughter who has been with them since birth. “Opening our hearts to foster and adopt has bought us the greatest joy,” Stephanie said.
“Every child is a gift and a true blessing. It was our faith that led us to the decision to look into fostering. When we started taking classes, we didn’t realize that many children are not able to reunify with family and therefore need a permanent home. We went into fostering knowing that God would lead us on the path that He intended, and that whatever situation we were given was meant to be.”
Joe agreed. “Fostering has given my life a purpose and opportunity to make a difference I otherwise would have never had. I am very thankful our family has chosen this path. It’s been a blessing for all of us.”
Fostering, hoping to adopt
Kristina Keiffer, a parishioner at Columbus St. Catharine Church, and her husband, PJ, had frequently discussed the possibility of adoption, but after hearing a homily from Father Thomas Blau, OP from Columbus St. Patrick Church and then seeing a billboard with the number of children in foster care in Franklin County, they felt called to look into fostering.
Like Joe, PJ was hesitant to add more to their busy lives, which included four biological children. But after much prayer, they began taking classes where they met the Bairds. Kristina was excited to meet another Catholic at the training, and Stephanie and they quickly became friends. “I can’t imagine not having Stephanie to encourage me when things were really hard,” Kristina said.
Kristina and PJ became foster parents with the goal of adopting, but during the past four years, they have not had the chance to adopt any of the 10 children who have stayed in their home.
They were especially heartbroken to say goodbye to two brothers who had been with them for 2 ½ years and whom they had planned to adopt.
The boys’ birth father came back into the picture and was reunited with his sons. The father decided it would be best for the boys not to have contact with the Keiffers while he re-established his connection with his children. However, after a year, the boys’ father reached out to start a relationship again.
“We just saw the boys for the second time in two weeks,” Kristina said, “and it has been such a joy and comfort to see how well they are doing with their father. We anticipate a new and restored relationship where we can support and love the boys and their father.”
Needing support when fostering
Kristina and PJ believe said that fostering has been the hardest and most beautiful thing they have done in their marriage.
“Our family has really grown in our faith by learning so much about sacrificial love,” Kristina said. “We realize the impact our ‘yes’ can have on God’s kingdom.” She admits, however, that sometimes fostering can feel like being on an island all alone, even though she trusts that God fulfills His promises and provides the graces they need to continue.
She speaks of the high turnover of foster families who quit after the first year, citing how a lack of support can play a big role. “I think many people would be willing to help, but they just don’t know what they can do.”
Although the Keiffers are blessed to have supportive friends from St. Catharine, Kristina said it can be difficult to ask for help. She said there were times when she needed assistance but felt reluctant to ask, such as when she needed child care so she could enjoy a day with her husband and biological children, or when she had to miss events because she had to drive her foster children to visits with their birth parents.
Lacking homes for siblings
Kristina said a need exists for foster families to care for sibling groups. The Keiffers currently are fostering two siblings. “Sometimes, we have tough weeks where both children have doctor’s appointments, therapy sessions and home visits,” she said. “It would be such a blessing to have a group of volunteers to reach out to provide a meal, child care or transportation. Having support could give foster families that extra encouragement and strength they need to continue this ministry.”
Stephanie agreed: “Through our journey, we have found that there are limited resources and support in the Catholic community for foster parents.” She encourages Catholic parishes to rally around those parents who have chosen life but need help beyond the birth of their child, as well as caregivers who step in when the parents are unable to care for their children.
“The quote ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ is so true, and we are blessed with the support of our family and friends. We pray that the broader Catholic community becomes that village for those around us who feel that call to foster and adopt.”
When a foster family gets a call for a placement, they often must pick up the child within a few hours. Families do not know the age of the child until they get a phone call, and the child usually does not have anything other than perhaps a small bag with a few clothes. Even after a call, it’s not certain that the child will end up in their home.
“I think it would be helpful to have support for last-minute items that may be needed,” Stephanie said. “Some of the items can be diapers, formula, clothes, food etc. We are always prepared for a placement with certain items but not everything that may be needed depending on the situation.”
Encouraging fostering, adopting
To help mobilize Catholics to become involved with caring for vulnerable children, a new ministry has recently launched called Springs of Love (springsoflove.org) that encourages, educates and equips Catholics to discern and live out the call to foster and adopt. Springs of Love is a sister organization to Springs in the Desert (springsinthedesert.org), which accompanies those struggling with infertility.
Springs of Love serves both Catholics struggling with infertility and those who are not to raise awareness of the need for loving families for the approximately 400,000 children in foster care in the U.S. and countless children in need throughout the world.
Critical to the mission of Springs of Love is establishing care teams in parishes who will provide for the material needs of children in care, offer wrap-around support to foster families (including prayer, meals, child care, rides, mentoring, etc.), host foster and adoption awareness events and inspire more Catholics to consider fostering and adopting. According to Springs of Love, the 50% retention rate for fostering families increases to 90% when they are supported by a care team.
Springs of Love was founded by foster and adoptive parents Greg and Kimberly Henkel, parishioners at Mount Vernon St. Vincent de Paul Church. Greg and Kimberly met while studying at the Pontifical John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage & Family in Washington, D.C., and married in their late 30s.
After several years of struggling with infertility, they became foster parents with a hope of adopting. They fostered and then adopted their son, Anthony. While he was still a baby, they adopted twin girls, Zailie and Gabriella, who were just 5 months younger than Anthony. When the “triplets” were 4, the couple received another foster son, John Paul, whom they adopted.
Kimberly discussed fears that she and her husband had when they first brought Anthony home from the hospital. Because they were fostering with hopes of adopting, Kimberly feared that Anthony might go back with his birth mother.
“Even though I knew in my head that the goal of fostering is for the child to be reunified with his birth family, I was more focused on my desire to adopt,” she said.
Greg explains, “When a couple fosters in hopes of adopting, it can be a temptation to compare themselves with the child’s birth parents, thinking the child would be better off with them. With foster care, however, it is important to affirm the priority of supporting the birth parents to get their lives in order so that they can take care of their children.”
“As Catholics, we need to remember that God loves a child’s mother and father as much as He loves their child,” Kimberly said. “We need to pray, encourage and support the birth parents who frequently have not been loved well. Fostering their child gives us a connection with them and allows us the opportunity to pour into their lives, affirm their dignity and let them know that God loves them and has a beautiful plan for their lives.”
As Kimberly and Greg brought Anthony home, Kimberly’s fears soon dissipated as she felt God pour His grace upon her. “I realized I was taking care of this child who truly belonged to God. It honestly felt like I was taking care of the baby Jesus.”
In recognizing that they had opened their home to a child who needed a mother and a father right then, they shifted their focus from desiring to adopt to providing for a child in need.
“We didn’t know if we would be Anthony’s forever mother and father, but we knew that he needed us at that moment,” Kimberly said. “It was an overwhelming privilege to be able to give him everything his birth mother was unable to at that time and know that we were also allowing her the time and space to focus on her own healing.”
Springs of Love is hosting a free “Be Not Afraid” virtual retreat for anyone interested in learning about fostering and adopting. Anyone wishing to access talks given by families who have fostered and adopted can register at springsoflove.org. Special attention is given to fostering and adopting after infertility, adopting older children, discerning adoption from a man’s perspective, fostering by faith, adopting a child with special needs and international adoption.
Springs of Love is also producing a video series to highlight the stories of those who have been in the foster care system, as well as those who are finding joy, even amid pain, through fostering and adopting. One of the videos tells the story of Tori Hope Petersen, who spent time in 12 foster homes before aging out of the system.
Fortunately, a track coach brought encouragement and hope into her life, and she became a four-time state track champion, college graduate and, recently, Mrs. Universe. She is the author of the book Fostered as well as founder of the Beloved Initiative, a nonprofit that seeks to change the narrative for youth in foster care.
The Henkels encourage fellow Catholics to consider how God might be calling them to care for His children in the foster system. “Families are messy,” Kimberly said, “and it can be intimidating to jump into another family’s mess, which looks so much more unmanageable than that to which we may be accustomed. But Christ calls us to enter into the mess.”
She speaks of the heartache experienced by so many children in foster care and how God is calling Catholics to reach out of their comfort zones to learn how to best care for them by showing them the love of Jesus. “Instead of offering merely temporary shelter for these children, what if we made our homes and hearts places for vulnerable children who have been separated from their families to begin to heal?”
Kristina likewise urges Catholics to get involved. “Not everyone is called to foster, but as pro-life Catholics we are called to help support families who have said ‘yes.’ We can love foster families, encourage them, pray for them and help provide physical needs so they can have the strength, endurance and support they need to continue. Every one of us can play an important role in fostering and adoption.”
Foster families in the Columbus diocese looking for connection and support or those wishing to learn more about helping local foster families can email info@springsoflove.org. There are many ways to be involved, such as forming a committed prayer team, helping recruit foster and adoptive families, serving a family (perhaps with a weekly meal or babysitting), community service projects and meeting the physical needs of families at risk.
“We believe that cultivating a culture of fostering and adoption is an absolutely essential part of building a comprehensive culture of life in our parishes,” Greg Henkel said. “Everyone can do something to make a difference in the lives of vulnerable children.”